Criticism

A lovely sunday, yet i have to start this blog criticizing everything that makes me angry... Angry? Not really.. just not pleased perhaps...

Went church today and be their pianist. Well... didn't practised the whole of last month due to exams. Didn't practised the whole of last week cos i'm busy going out with friends. On top of that, i'm not familiar D flat major ( not familiar with 5 flat cannot ar ). In the end, a lot atrocious "noise" was generated during the adult service. Yaya... i'm just lousy... and there are so many youth in church who knows how to play the piano well for God didn't help out in the adult service. People who obtain diploma, degree in music, or even those in NAFA unwilling to serve in Adult service. Here i am, with a reluctant heart, with a rusty and inflexible hand, struggling to keep the pace with the worshippers, struggling to touch the correct note ( lucky if i did ), keeping all the embarrassment as the piano teacher Mu Gao looked at me ( or at least i think she looked at me, cos i'm busy struggling ) with a dissatisfied look. Anyway i left with disgust after everything. Moodless. Just blame everything to me k?

If people who are up to it didn't come forward and serve in the adult service, is it reasonable to just ask me to play just because you cannot find anyone to take over? Just because everyone want to serve in the Youth service and not the Adult service? All of you always say " serve with a willing heart". Right now my heart is not that willing, then how? Told the person-in-charge before and they want me to serve until the end of the year. Today is the last time i'm playing, and i'm dead sure of that. Not even going to participate in ushering next year.

Perhaps this will spark some unhappiness between me and my church friends. I just typing how i'm feeling honestly and it should not affect our friendship. It does not mean i left God either. If it makes you unhappy and makes u look down on me, no problem. It doesn't even bother me cos i don't live by your face anyway.

Oh ya.. then a new pastor was talking about princess diana and mother theresa... comparing the both of them and say all the wonderful things about mother theresa compared to princess diana although, without deniel, princess diana looks more beautiful compared to mother theresa. What's wrong being beautiful? Both have their own beauty and are you trying to say that people who are ugly definitely have a greater inner beauty? Change your mentally. How do you know God sees mother theresa as a more "beautiful" person when you are not God yourself? Have you ever put yourself in Princess diana shoe as a princess and see things from her perspective? The committment she have as well as the status that was fixed way before she was born... Is this kind of comparison fair to her? Nincompoop.

Back at home in the car, as my dad was driving my mum and i home, my dad keep saying that i should eat more... blah blah.. face so sharp, so thin... always sleep late... wait for them for what... hair so long also didn't cut... and i just kept quiet. The reason why i say nothing is because you are my dad, and i'm going to respect you no matter what you say. I knew if i were to say something, you will be pissed for sure. I could argue: it is exam period. What's wrong with staying up late? What is wrong waiting for you when i can't even see u during school days cos i'm staying in hall and busy studying? What can i do to change my face and body shape? Cosmetic surgery? Does it make you happy if i'm fat, ignoring all the possibility of cardiovascular diseases and diabetes? ( i may even have it now ) Why are you always thinking i'm eating too little? Last but not the least, my hair... I know i'm going to be bald in future, why can't i have the luxury to keep long hair now? Stupid SAF ( already kind enough that i use the word "stupid" for SAF ) always want me to cut hair, even in reservist.. Now i am not a soldier receiving tax-payers money anyway. Guys in ntu also kept long hair, dye it, shape it to whatever they like... and mine is tidy... just a little long up till my nose at most.

Is it wrong if to horn if people are blocking your path when u're driving? My dad say i'm childish.

What exactly is wrong with me? Don't know. Talking about SAF is just another sucky topic. Imagine i'm busy preparing for exams, feeling stress... and they send you a message: You have a msg, please call... no problem. I called and press here press there, thinking what is so important... and they said: You have a reservist training next year at June... blah blah... All i can say is they are too free. NEXT YEAR indeed, and you need to notify me 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE. I don't wish to use any vulgar language in my blog. Even mentioning the word "SAF" makes my blog feels dirty.

Okok... enough of this kind of subjective criticism. If not people whose bf from SAF will hate me, or dislike me. Yaya.. they protect the country.. they are great... they got lots of pay and they work hard for it... whatever you think. For me, i shall give my minimum to make sure i ROD 9 years later smoothly. Don't call yourself a real soldier when you didn't even fight a single war, understand? To me, i call it a job.

Actually there are more unhappy incident. Shall not mention them. That's all for today~

Hate me if you want. I'm just sulky today.