Depressed

Been feeling sad and depressed for the past weeks.. personal reasons.. it's just my fault.. what else can i say.. i asked too much and i should just not bother and live with it.. Who am i? Just a follower.. people say what i do what.. if i don't do people not happy.. and when i say something, i won't get it.. what is the use of me saying anything anyway.. haiz..

Immediately after my convocation on Fri, i took my IPPT in bedok camp on sat and i finally manage to pass it!! Been training my weakest station for the past 3 weeks and finally it has been paid off.. No RT for me!! YEY!! but thinking of reservist next week makes me sick.. i hate the regimentation.. one more time: SAF sucks

and i'm always alone on sun.. sickening..

Convocation 24/07/2009

Finally i have graduated from NTU with all my beloved friends! and i'm thankful for all the support given to me by my parents, siblings and loved ones.. :)

We have graduated!! Finally..

My parents~ Thanks so much for everything u have done for me!!

Thanks Wen Wei and Esther for coming!

My beloved Eunice and Francis helping me to take photographs!

Li Shi's family!

Esther and Engly~

Jing Fen and Christine!

Miss Goh and me!

Kiat Whye and Si Qi~!!

My family.. where is Josh sia..

Qi Hui and Jian Zhong!!

June, Hui Lin and Zhi Hui~!

Li Shi's Poly friends~

So many photos in so many people's camara.. haha.. guess have to spent some time getting the photos from all of them! Didn't really take much photo because it was so busy on that day! Anyway really appreciate all those who came and view this occasion.. Although this has officially ended my days in NTU, it is just the beginning of another learning phase in life.. hope all everyone will be able to excel in life and do those who love u proud! All the best to all my friends!!

Feeling sucky

It has been a month since i worked already.. Being an honours grad, i started off being in the lowest rung.. absolutely despensible.. and sometimes i feel like i'm a "high class maid-in-the-lab" kind of person.. clean here clean there.. receive orders and do.. have to be reprimanded with a smiley face.. whatever i do is wrong.. whatever i do sucks.. whatever i do frustrate people.. i'm just a nobody among those somebodies...

Not complaining at all.. i'm new and have lots of things to learn.. made a few mistakes and have to learn from it.. cannot expect much from life either.. i can only receive what was given to me.. if it was not given to me, no matter how much i long for it, it will never be mine..

Then i learn to let go of things.. don't bother so much... but sometimes i tend not to bother anymore.. more and more depressed each day.. maybe i'm just getting used to a new life.. a life which i cannot have everything in life.. i am a puppet.. always living in people's expectation.. maybe that's the price to pay for being ungodly.. people delights in ungodly people cos i see people fucking christians happily and blaming them for all their wrong doings without knowing that we are humans just like them and needed God. People are happy when u are far from God, and i will show people how fucked up i can be when i'm not close to God. When u are among fuckers, u have to act like one sometimes to protect yourself.

Fucking SAF ( this shows my ungodliness again).. really live up to your name. You gave me the option to defer because of new employment, and i tried to defer because i have some training in my company. U rejected my deferment. U think i defer to play is it? SAF sucks to the core.

What else can i say.. I will never get what i wanted.. if i want something, i will become a different Joseph to achieve it..